Showing posts with label me. Show all posts

I feel like whenever something happens to my friends, good or bad, it makes me start introspecting. I think it's because I take things with me for a little while (until I forget it ... =.=). I wonder to myself, what could I have said to make the person feel better (if it was bad news), or am I being a good enough friend?

I kinda lost one friend once upon a time because I wasn't really there for her when she needed me, mainly because I didn't think she needed me (stupid). Now I'm scared of making the same mistake, and I keep thinking about the conversations I just had with friends, especially when it wasn't a happy conversation.

(For my friends and family, I suck at consoling and here's an apology in advance. Especially when it comes to my family and friends, I lose my head easily. I panic, I don't know what to do, what to say. I just want the pain and sadness to go away for you guys, but I don't know how to go about it. Just sitting there and saying "uh huh" seems so heartless. But then, offering advice seems pointless and could be potentially damaging. So I do my best, in whatever way I know best. Anyway, just a heads up?)

And that leads me to think about other things in life. And it doesn't help when you just had a conversation with your dad about your future (or lack of one). Why is it so hard for me to have a dream? Or to figure out what you want to do? It seems so easy for everyone else - get married, have kids, be a doctor, a designer, a lawyer. Why can't I find an occupation that suits me?

Or it's more like I kinda know what I want to do, but I don't know how to go about achieving it because my past few years of education hasn't been in that direction. And I don't feel like I'm good enough to do it.

I feel like I know how to do a lot of basic things, but I'm not good at any one specific thing; good enough to make a living off of it.

I want to draw, but I can't draw realistic things. I'm limited in what I can actually produce.

I want to do graphic design, but I don't know jack about it.

I want to learn to tattoo, but where can I actually learn the skills required? And would I be good at it? (And I don't think my parents would actually let me do it.)

I want to be a photographer! But the pictures I take are just 普通 (normal), nothing special.

Ugh. So now what? Sigh.

You never realize which keys on the keyboard you use a lot until it goes missing. I miss my "tab" key. It fell off randomly the other day. I DON'T KNOW WHY! And I'm too lazy to go to an Apple reseller to get it put back on because I might as well just check in the whole computer to get fixed (I have fan and logic board issues too). I'm also too lazy to back up my data (bad! bad! must! back! up! reminds me of this... teehee!) My poor macbook pro. Not even three years old and it's falling apart already. Well, maybe that's a good thing. I can take advantage of my Apple Care which I only paid 200 usd for! Proud of myself. Thank God I have friends who are cheap and would rather make money than warrantify their laptop. PHEW! I must say, though, this extended warranty has been well worth the money - fixed my fan, replaced my screen, fixed the isight ... and coming up is fixing the logic board, which normally costs hundreds of dollars if the comp's outta warranty. Nothing makes me happier than money well spent. :P

Anyway, IT'S SO HOT. Yes, I finally get to the point. I don't know what the temperature is, but it's humid and hot and ICKY. I miss dry hot summers. So Cal, why did I leave you? Well, it's not like I ever really spent a summer there, though. Always traveled back to Asia or Canada during my four years in UCLA. Maybe I wouldn't enjoy hot dry summers in LA. But now I'll never know! Unless I move there! Ha!

This is a random entry.

Who uses Twitter?! Out of all the gazillion friends I have (I wish), I only have one friend who uses it. And he just recently got it. And the last time he updated was four days ago. What's the point of following him if he doesn't update?! No point I say. So! Who else has got Twitter that I can follow?

Anybody else use Digg.com? I love it. Lots of good entertaining articles that people digg, although you kinda have to sort through them, but hey, when you've got nothing else to do, it's a good time killer.

I'm stressed. Tomorrow's THE DAY I tell the colleague who hired me and got me the full time posish ... I am afraid. Why? Because I feel guilty! Ahhhhh. I don't want to talk about it (even though I brought it up. ha!)

My cousin's getting married this Saturday. Yay.

This entry has become filled with my random train of thoughts.

I'm so tired. Mentally. Physically. Stressing is just bad for your whole system. Cortisol levels are HIGH! Immune system is LOW! Woo! Psych has actually taught me something!

Ok, I shall leave before I say something inappropriate.

OOOO. Speaking of which, funny (sick?) thought I came up with during a convo I had with my friend today (requires knowledge of Mandarin).

Me: it's ok, he can be your gan弟弟 (little brother)
...
Me: gan as in first sound gan(乾), not fourth sound gan(幹).

HAHA. Ok, the only reason why I thought of that was because when I used pinyin to type gan, the Chinese character it gave me first was fourth sound gan (which basically means f*ck!) when I actually wanted the first sound gan (where gan di di means God brother, kinda). So. yah. It was also funny 'cause the guy we were talking about is 17 years old. ooooo. So bad. :P

A little window into my weird little mind.