Another "I" Entry - Feel free to Skip  

Posted by Lisa in , , ,

I feel like whenever something happens to my friends, good or bad, it makes me start introspecting. I think it's because I take things with me for a little while (until I forget it ... =.=). I wonder to myself, what could I have said to make the person feel better (if it was bad news), or am I being a good enough friend?

I kinda lost one friend once upon a time because I wasn't really there for her when she needed me, mainly because I didn't think she needed me (stupid). Now I'm scared of making the same mistake, and I keep thinking about the conversations I just had with friends, especially when it wasn't a happy conversation.

(For my friends and family, I suck at consoling and here's an apology in advance. Especially when it comes to my family and friends, I lose my head easily. I panic, I don't know what to do, what to say. I just want the pain and sadness to go away for you guys, but I don't know how to go about it. Just sitting there and saying "uh huh" seems so heartless. But then, offering advice seems pointless and could be potentially damaging. So I do my best, in whatever way I know best. Anyway, just a heads up?)

And that leads me to think about other things in life. And it doesn't help when you just had a conversation with your dad about your future (or lack of one). Why is it so hard for me to have a dream? Or to figure out what you want to do? It seems so easy for everyone else - get married, have kids, be a doctor, a designer, a lawyer. Why can't I find an occupation that suits me?

Or it's more like I kinda know what I want to do, but I don't know how to go about achieving it because my past few years of education hasn't been in that direction. And I don't feel like I'm good enough to do it.

I feel like I know how to do a lot of basic things, but I'm not good at any one specific thing; good enough to make a living off of it.

I want to draw, but I can't draw realistic things. I'm limited in what I can actually produce.

I want to do graphic design, but I don't know jack about it.

I want to learn to tattoo, but where can I actually learn the skills required? And would I be good at it? (And I don't think my parents would actually let me do it.)

I want to be a photographer! But the pictures I take are just 普通 (normal), nothing special.

Ugh. So now what? Sigh.

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 9 at Saturday, August 09, 2008 and is filed under , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

4 comments

maria  

sometimes we are greater than what we deem ourselves to be. its a combination of insecurity, social burden and lack of confidence as well as some sort of passive attitude that we have that makes our quest so frustrating. no one said it would be easy. but being plataued, thats our own fault. i guess its ab time we really grew up and dealt the cards.
its always going to be a new day and a new start. never too late. just gotta pick a date :)

August 10, 2008 at 10:02 AM
Anonymous  

i don't know if u remember, but i told u that i wanted to be an artist since i was little... of course, asian parents... that dream ended before i began high school. i don't even know if i'll get into med school, but i'm still giving a shot. even if i get into med school, will i survive through it? sometimes, it's like i have to become realistic w/ myself. i feel like if u want to become an artist, you have to have a special talent or skill that no one else has...like a distinguished style of ur own. another thing w/ artist is that you have to start young and take art classes so u can have art portfolio going. also, i know ppl in high school who eventually went to art school after high school had won some kind of art competition during high school. u can still be an artist right now if you decided u want to go to art school, but u might have to start from scratch. again, u have to be realistic w/ urself and what you are really capable of. i doubt myself all the time, but no harm in trying.

August 13, 2008 at 2:57 AM
Waz Wu  

because i am your own personal stalker, i read your blog from time to time. i came across this post and had to comment. =D

kinda knowing what you want to do is a good place to start. too many people go through with things they don't actually want for the long term. it's more important to take the time to figure out what exactly you want to be than to be somewhere that's just somewhere.

you could always go back to school! plenty of people at the art/design colleges in SF are second or third degree students. a freelancer (who does incredible stuff) i know from work just graduated from the academy of art, and he's in his 30s!

if you really want to be an artist/designer/photographer/something creative, commit to it and do everything you can that might possibly get you there. take it beyond an interest or hobby.

and don't limit yourself! when you're young, in school, or launching your career, you don't want to be known for a specific style. obviously you should have a preference, but not every project/client is going to want the same thing. they want to see diversity and dedication.

don't ever doubt yourself poopie! no absolutely no harm in trying.

September 8, 2008 at 3:40 AM
Waz Wu  

there's* absolutely...

lol. i'm dumb.

September 8, 2008 at 3:41 AM

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