我想式式看用中文來寫篇文章。不知道要花多少時間才寫得完一段。哎。。。中文打得有夠慢！

在台灣的時間只剩不到一個禮拜了 時間過的還真快啊 兩個月前還在工作呢 那時還不知道我的人生要往哪一個方向走 well, 現在也還是不知道啦 不過至少有個one step forward的感覺。。。

forward到哪。。。這還是不太確定啦！

Damn, that took like 15 minutes to type. Can't get my thoughts out fast enough. I think if I ever want to write in Chinese, I'm going to have to jot all my ideas down first in English, so I don't forget anything.

So, I've been thinking (hah!). Every time I'm about to leave a place to move to another place, there's the feeling of excitement and anticipation. Inevitably, though, when I first arrive at the new place, there's a sense of dislike, discomfort because I'm no longer in familiar surroundings with friends or family around. It takes me months, years to adjust and get back to the comfortableness that makes me like a place. (The only place I can adjust to in days is Taiwan because I've always got my family here even if I don't have friends.) I think that's the most important part of me getting comfortable in a country - making friends. Not acquaintances or people you say hi to every so often, but real friends.

I feel like it used to be easier to make friends. Back when there was less inhibition, less thought of a need to please. I'm not sure if that's what it was, but it's just gotten a lot harder for me to meet new people. I personally dislike socializing because I don't know what to talk about, what to say, I'm afraid what they'll think of me, am I being annoying? Should I ask this question? Is it too personal? Yah, this is what goes on in my mind. And it's frustrating because then I just clam up and don't want to say anything. Why take the risk? But that's not the way to make friends. I know it. But, I can't turn these self-doubts off, and that gets in the way of friend-making. And affects my ability to adjust.

Why do I do this to myself? I could just stay in one place and not move around. But then I get this itch, this thought that it could be better elsewhere if I just gave it a try. The grass is always greener on the other side, huh?

I need to learn to settle down in one place. I can't keep moving around. I think I'm just too afraid of committing. I believe I have commitment issues. I seriously need to stop thinking that things will be better in other places because although going to new places is always a good experience, I don't think I can afford to keep moving around ... I have too much junk.

用中文來做個ending吧。又要當學生了 有點害怕可是又有點興奮！希望這次出國能讓我知道我以後要做什麼。不能在這樣沒方向的亂走了。不能在碰碰撞撞的過我的人生了。